All My Planets: An Interplanetary Soap Opera
The Earth yelled at the sun with all of her might, “Cool it hothead your burning a hole in one of my atmospheres. Their fucking pissed!”
Sun just stared at her admiring his own egotistical flares.
“Why are you doing this?” Moon was not amused with suns mundane appetite to control earth,
“Its not her fault the people on her basically take shits all over everyday.”
“This is why I decided to be close to you sun.” Venus flirted batting her ember lashes,
“I didn’t want humans to grow on me and I love your big body radiating all over my thick core.”
Sun smiled and puffed up a flare for Venus to coo over.
“Earth your so stupid sometimes, don’t badmouth sun he’s so strong and brave.” Mercury began flying around the sun rapidly trying to get suns acceptance and approval of what he just said.
“Please Mercury sweetie your embarrassing yourself. You and sun are never going to happen he’s way to big for you. It would be like trying to fit a meteor in a wormhole. Besides we all know he thinks of you as his moon anyways.” Venus giggled at her own remarks. The planets broke out arguing between each other and a quiet yell erupted from the back edge of the galaxy.
“Stay out of this Pluto your not apart of us anymore!” Neptune echoed back throwing his rings around with the slightest turn around his body. Jupiter laughed at this,
“Common guys we can always make room for another moon.” The moons around Jupiter began to laugh at his remarks. Mars mocked the laughing,
“HA! HA! Says the one with more moons then brain cells stuffed into his gas bubble of a body”
Jupiter puffed up by this, “Your just jealous because you’ve only got two!” Jupiters moons began to laugh. Mars tilted her head towards the Misogynistic giant,
“How could I be jealous. Your a floating sack of gas. Your spot is showing by the way its much smaller in person.”
“If the milky way wasn’t in the way I’d slap the shit out of you.” Jupiters and his moons began yelling at the red planet. Mars blew a kiss to Jupiter mockingly and turned around ignoring him. The moons began screaming and crying trying to protect the big gas planet.
“OH MY GOD! WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY IM TRYING TO GET MY BEAUTY REST! These rings don’t just stay perky by themselves you know.” Saturn took off her meteor beauty mask eyeing the humongous gas planet.
“Stay out of this Saturn.” Jupiter roared as he was eyeing Mars. Saturn was not amused by his over barring mass towering over the small red planet,
“Please Jupiter if I wasn’t so tired I would shove one of your moons straight up Uranus!”
“HEY YOU LEAVE URANUS OUT OF THIS!.” Neptune chimed in protecting his husband of 4.6 billion years.
“You know what I meant Neptune.” Saturn rolled her eyes looking at her brother.
“Thanks Saturn I wish I could see you, but is big gassy ass is in the way.” Mars yelled over Jupiter.
“I know just look at him he’s making me want a blackhole.” Mars began to chuckle and Saturn began filing down her rings lifting and spinning them drawing attention from the stars. Jupiter began laughing.
“Your just sad Saturn because you have no one. All your planets picked a partner and are monogamous with one another. Your just jealous because we all have so much fun.” Jupiters moons began surrounding him rubbing his sides smiling at Saturn.
“Jealous? No one even knows how many little astroids babies your 67 plus sister wife moons have had. By the looks of it, it almost looks like your practicing one of earths many religions.” Saturn flicked her rings and looked for praise from Uranus but he was still sleeping.
“Watch it Saturn”, earth eyed the blonde planet.
“So “Big Love” when one of your moons die do they become their own planet or do they become apart of yours.” Mars mocked Jupiter and Saturn began laughing.
“SHUT UP You red faced tramp.” Jupiter barked, his moons were shocked by his remarks and began to whoo and ahh at his bravery.
“Fuck off GENGIS KHAN!” Mars rebutted, Jupiters moons began gasping with surprise and were ruled with anger.
“YOU LEAVE Genghis OUT OF THIS” earth persisted to keep her fight solely with sun protecting all her humans at any cost.
“Earth sweetie Genghis Khan was a murdering psychopath. Have another ice age and cool off.” Saturn chimed in.
“At least I can sustain life remember when you tried and everyone flew off within a matter of centuries. And by the way we all know how you got your last ring. *Whispers* startox.” Saturns yell could be herd throughout the galaxy.
“You bitch!” Saturn opened her eyes wide and began throwing meteors across space.
“Wow earth. Real mature. How’s the global warming treating yah… feel good?” Mars jumped in protecting her friend Saturn.
“Don’t mess with me Mars.…” earth retaliated
“Is that why your “humans” are so persistent on moving here and getting away from you?” Mars knew earths weaknesses and planned on using all of them.
“OH THAT IT! You backwards, red crumbling son of a bitc…”
“Space shuttle!” Moon hollered. The planets froze and eyed as the humans floated by. Earth watched Mars waiting for the next move but a shooting star went by and all went quiet in the night.